A Bit about Me--Part 2

So, I know you have been "dying" to hear the rest of my story. Well, let's see...where was I? Oh, yes, I was just taking an unexpected "detour". My husband says it was more like "falling off a cliff". However, you describe it, one thing's for sure...it turned my world up-side down.

I can still remember when it first struck: May 18, 2009. After a series of events which I am convinced were due to Divine intervention, Nathan was able to get his job back. It was like a load had been lifted from my shoulders. I no longer had to be so strong. Unfortunately, all the stress I had been ignoring pushed its way to the front. It would not be shoved aside any longer. I guess I just couldn't deal with it--which is not easy to admit. I had always prided myself on being strong--able to deal with whatever life threw my way. My doctor described it this way. Due to fact of my family history of chemical imbalance, I more than likely was born with lower serotonin levels. Serotonin is a brain chemical which supplies that feeling of well-being. If your levels are low, you can begin to experience all kinds of negative side effects like: low energy levels, anxiety, depression and just plain feeling bad.

Well,on May 18, 2009, I just feel apart. At first, I thought I had the flu--but I didn't have the usual symptoms. I was experiencing insomnia, loss of appetite, muscle spasms that would jerk me awake at night, weakness and crying---lots of crying. After about a week, I went to my doctor. I couldn't function. I was at the end of the school year, so piano lessons were coming to a close. But, I still had the Spring Recital for which I had been preparing my  20+ students. So, I had to get well and fast.

Everything had happened so fast that I didn't have time to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Remember, I thought it was the flu. Well, my doctor did too. So I went home and tried to get better. Instead, I got worse. I ended up having to cancel my Recital. I was pretty much spending my time in bed...sick as a dog and getting weaker and weaker.

 My mom came a week later to stay with me while Nathan worked. She encouraged me to try to eat a little bit and to try to walk to gain my strength back. I started to slowly improve. That was the month of June 2009. In July 2009, my neck went out. The left side of my neck swelled. You couldn't tell by looking but I could feel it. So back to the doctor I went. I ended up having a CAT scan to check the lymph nodes. They were fine. My diagnosis: neck strain. Probably from all my muscle tension due to anxiety. So, off I go for physical therapy. I still didn't feel like myself, so I requested a blood test be done. Result: Everything looked normal. But I could feel deep down that something wasn't right.  After about 4 weeks, my neck was in much better shape. We then headed off on our annual trip to visit family in the state of Delaware. When we came back, it was time to begin school year piano lessons. And so I taught that year. Things just continued to go wrong with me. I developed indigestion for about 2 months, then I started experiencing heart palpatations. I was still having trouble sleeping. But, I told myself, 'Be strong. Don't be a crybaby. Just keep going and everything will work itself out.' I was able to keep it together and finish the school year and the end-of-the-year Recital. Then, in May 2010, I fell apart again. This time, the terrible anxiety attacks came upon me with an unrelenting vengeance. I had mild panic attacks while driving or grocery shopping and I became afraid. Fear and anxiety totally shut me down and I became mildly agoraphobic.

The summer of 2010, I decided to take the next year off from teaching and get to the bottom of my problems. I had been trying to eat healthly and I was using herbs to help with my various issues but nothing was helping. So, back I went to the doctor, but this time I was pretty sure I was dealing with an anxiety issue and that all my various problems were somehow linked to it. Again, I received a blood test to rule out any underlying medical condition. Everything came back clear except that I was a little low in Vitamin D. So, my doctor was convinced that I very likely was experiencing a chemical imbalance. Well, at least I could now stop wondering and haunting sites like Web MD trying to self- diagnose. Hope had sprung because now I had an answer! My problem had a name and my doctor was going to be able to help me!

Next time, I will get into my current treatment plan and how things are going for me these days.

Thanks for reading my story. I hope my story helps anxiety sufferers feel a little less alone, a little less isolated. I still have a lot of healing to go through...my journey is far from over. But, there is hope--a glorious light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. I would love to hear from you! Feel free to leave me a question or a comment...Until next time!