I don't really relish talking about my problems. I find that people who like to talk ALL the time about their issues physically drain me. "Energy Vampires", I like to call them. Yeah--I try to steer clear of those individuals.
But, in order to understand this blog, I think I need to open up and be a little vulnerable. So, here goes...
My experience with the thing called "Anxiety" followed a pretty normal course up until May 2009. Of course, we all get a bit stressed from time to time--but it goes away. "Goes Away" is the key phrase here. In November 2007, my 29 year old husband was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. As if this wasn't horrible enough, he faced losing his current job due to restrictions. His company wouldn't allow him to drive truck and be on insulin.
Ok--mild panic sets in as we try to figure out what to do. Oh--he can be on oral medication for diabetes and still drive! Problem solved. Well this worked for about a year until it became glaringly apparent that he just plain needed to be on insulin. He lost so much weight and became mildly depressed because every time he wanted to eat carbs, he would have to do so much cardio just to bring his blood sugar numbers down. When I mean lose weight, I mean my 150 lb., 5'10" husband turned into a Nazi war prisoner! I could see his hip bones! Well, he just had to go on insulin. And so--he lost his job.
Well, we'll be okay, I told myself--not realizing all the panic and stress that I was sweeping under my mental rug. At that time, I was a piano teacher. I was teaching 28 students and taking all the new students I could get to keep us afloat. He was getting a little disability and some unemployment, but we had just purchased a new house and it was pretty scary.
So, I put my shoulder to the wheel and worked. I was so stressed about our money situation that I never took a day off--I taught whether I felt like it or not. I realize that many people do this day after day, year after year. The difference between them and me was a predisposition and family history of chemical imbalance which was lurking just beneath the surface.
I held up nicely for about nine months--and then my life took a detour that I never saw coming.
To Be Continued...
Panic and stress - two words that I know too well. It can be hard for some to understand, but I know how frightening it is after going through my own valley. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm excited to read how the Lord has helped you!
ReplyDelete(see you soon!!) :)
~Chari... Just so you know -in case it doesn't sign in for me... :) (I'm on my phone)
detour is right. straight off a cliff. i have some of the most vivid memories of that horrible time and i thank God for His help that sustained you even though it was impossible to see it sometimes.
ReplyDeleteNathan